I’ve had a lot of big changes recently. I had to leave a job I loved. I mean, really loved. A job I thought would become my life’s work, if I’m being honest. And when I left, it was messy.

At the same time, I had a friendship dissolve. And yes, the two are related. I worked with my friend. They’re the reason I was there, and the reason I stayed through some pretty sketchy shit.

And now, in a couple months, I’ll graduate from college. This is a happy thing. It’s an accomplishment, and it’s big. But it’s also going to be a huge change. My identity as a student is going to end, and I’m having some big feelings about it. I’ve spent the last 4ish years working my ass off, and after December, I’ll transition to the “real world”. I’ll start my career. And it won’t be the way I planned it.

What does all of this have to do with grief? Well, grief is sneaky. It lies in wait for us, biding its time as we go about our daily lives. And when chapters of our lives end- whether it’s a job, a friendship, or a goal we’ve set for ourselves- there’s grief.

Don’t get me wrong- there’s happiness too. I’ve felt more peaceful the past few months than I have in years. And I know that when I graduate, I’ll feel a huge sense of accomplishment.

At the same time, there’s grief. Losing a job really sucks. There’s the financial impact, of course, but there’s more to it. You feel incompetent, even when you know you’re not. You feel like you’ve failed.

And it’s the same for a friendship. There’s so much to say but none of it makes any difference. And then there’s the aftermath. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought “oh I’ve gotta call them!”. But I can’t. And that loss of intimacy and trust takes months to get over.

The point of all this is, with change comes feelings. And sometimes those feelings are complicated. I want you to know that it’s ok to lean into what you’re feeling, even when you don’t fully understand it. It’s ok to grieve lost opportunities and failed relationships and life changes. And it’s ok to feel happiness and relief at the same time.

Because grief is weird, man.